Goodbye to the old me: Why I’m done with long-term solo travel

As scary as it is to say out loud and to actually commit to, I’ve finally made the decision. I’m done with long-term solo travel. It might seem like a very drastic and sudden decision, but I can assure you it’s not.

For too long, I’ve been trying to keep up with the wants and needs of the old me, clinging onto my identity as ‘the solo female backpacker’.

I used to love this lifestyle. It was everything I wanted. Meeting new people every day, travelling to faraway places, getting to know different cultures and ways of life around the world. Whenever I would come home, I craved being back on the road. I couldn’t wait to leave again.

Back when I created this blog, I named it I Live as I Dream. Because that was exactly what I was doing at the time. I LOVED the freedom I had and the endless opportunities to just explore and discover new places. I was living my dream. But I’ve had to realize that my idea of a dream life has changed. I no longer want to live that dream. The dream I had for my life when I was 19 is no longer present in me. I no longer want this life of constantly moving around.

Something in me has changed.

This transition actually began already in the second half of 2018. I was in Nuuk, having the time of my life. Before going there, I couldn’t imagine staying in one place for more than a month, but I was in Greenland for five months straight. And I never once wanted to leave. I had a community there, a bunch of friends, a busy everyday life with studies and work. And I loved every minute of it.

Leaving my life in Greenland behind was hard but I was excited to continue travelling. I hardly spent any time at home in 2019, and I ended up with a severe travel burnout while travelling solo around southern Europe in the summer.

Still, I didn’t change anything about my lifestyle. With my bachelor’s degree in hand, I started planning trip after trip for my gap year. I felt sad when Covid forced me to stop travelling in early 2020, but I soon found a huge joy in exploring my home region. But when the borders opened in the summer, I was off again. I felt incredibly lonely during my solo roadtrip through Germany but I thought that was just a temporary feeling. I called it ‘post-Covid travel blues’.

With a new lockdown in the autumn, I moved to Lolland to work. But I told my boss from the beginning that I’d be leaving to travel when I could – and I did, despite not truly feeling ready to leave Lolland. I planned for six months of (mostly solo) travel starting in July this year but I messed it up big time. The first three months were fine, but the last three were supposed to be spent backpacking around Eastern Europe, something I’d always dreamed of doing. I spent two amazing weeks working in Serbia but when my colleagues left and I travelled to Novi Sad by myself, I felt so incredibly empty. Loneliness is, for me, the biggest consequence of long-term solo travel. It’s a feeling that sneaks up on me every time I’m left behind, even after the shortest amount of time with someone. And I just can’t face it anymore.

Instead of continuing around Eastern Europe, I went to Berlin for some time and then made the decision to go home for a few days to rest. I will still spend the rest of the year travelling, but not alone. Just to visit some people I care about. As I write this, I’m on my way to Norway to visit my best friend. And for the first time in a very long time, I’m super excited to be travelling. Because I won’t be alone.

As much as I still want to explore Eastern Europe, it can wait. As can the rest of the world. Actually, I no longer have the desire to see every country in the world. I would much rather return to my beloved Faroe Islands five times than spend six months travelling through South America. And that’s totally okay. It doesn’t make me a bad traveller (as my 19-year-old self would’ve thought).

I realized during these past months that I’ve been desperately clinging onto my old lifestyle because I didn’t know how to be anything else. I was seriously planning to buy a van next year to continue travelling solo – mainly because I wanted a place to call my own. But now I realize just how lonely that would’ve made me. Vanlife is not for me (at least not right now).

Instead, I know now that I need people in my life. Not just passport stamps and magnets from faraway places. But people, real people. People to love and to share a life with. I’m tired of fleeting friendships and short-term commitments. I want more. I WANT TO SETTLE DOWN (ok, I finally screamed it to the world). The 19-year-old me would be shocked to hear me say that. But I guess I finally grew up.

I’m lucky that I have a handful of really good friends that have stuck by me despite me constantly being away. Despite only seeing them maybe once or twice per year. I value those friendships so much, and I hope this change in lifestyle will mean that I get to see them more often. My family too. I want to be present while my niece and nephew grow up. I want to hug my parents and grandmother more often. I want to spend quality time with my ageing kitty while I still can. And I want to continue nurturing my relationship with my brothers and my sister-in-law.

So what’s going to happen now?

To be honest, I’m still not quite sure. I have the next ten months more or less figured out. Two months of slow travel in Norway and Germany, then Christmas in Denmark. From January to the end of August, I’ll be back at my job on Lolland. But then what?

My plan is to take up my studies again, either next autumn or winter, to finish my Master’s and then see where that takes me. Now I just need to figure out where to do my Master’s, and that will be where I settle for at least a year, hopefully longer.

But does that mean I won’t be travelling anymore?

Of course not.

Travelling is still a huge part of my identity. It’s still my favourite hobby. My passion for exploring the unknown is still burning inside me. I still want to continue this blog.

But instead of travelling long-term, I’ll be going on shorter trips with a much better work/study-life balance than I have at the moment. Being an archaeologist means that I can easily combine working with travelling, and relocating in the future will also be relatively easy.

I’m not saying that I’ll never go on long-term backpacking trips again. Who knows how I’ll feel in five, ten or fifty years.

This also doesn’t mean that I’ll never travel solo again. I still value time alone, and I love my independence. I can definitely picture myself going on short solo trips, even in the near future.

And what about all of those dream destinations of mine? Will I ever get to Tristan da Cunha? North Caucasus? Antarctica? Saudi Arabia? If I want to enough, I’m sure I’ll get there someday. It doesn’t have to be now. I’m only 26. The world will still exist when I’m 50. And I’m certain my passion for exploring won’t have burned out by then.

When I was younger, I didn’t think life could be interesting without travelling all the time, but of course it can. It’s just different, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m very thankful for everything I’ve experienced in my life, for everything travel has taught me. But I’m excited to have more time for my other passions now, such as archaeology, learning languages (already started on Russian!), painting and writing.

One of the things I’m most scared of in life is falling into the trap of modern society. My dream is still to be free. Free from the hamster wheel. Sure, I might sometimes run along with it, but when I do, it will be on my own terms. Because I choose to, not because I’m forced to by some illusion of how life should be.

And right now, I want to live a life that is closer to the “norm”. I want to have close friends. I want a proper base, somewhere to call home for longer than a few months. I don’t want to feel lonely anymore. I want to build a life of slow and intentional living, a sustainable and healthy life where travel will once again enrich me.

The pictures in this post are from late October and early November in Berlin, a city I’m planning to spend a lot of time in during the upcoming months.